Becoming bombarded everyday with images of mooks in their tight Ed Hardy t-shirts and skinny jeans is sufficient to create any guy insane, and it is understandable to obtain confused when it comes to style do’s and don’ts.
It is important to remember the styles you see on MTV aren’t usually fashionable and are usually not what the women are craving. We do not want you to look pretty, smell like a perfume counter or appear like you stepped correct out of a 1980’s Jordache ad. Should you match in our jeans within the morning, you’re out the door so, strap in and pay attention.
10. Ed Hardy Ought to Die
Appear, I like skulls and glitter just as much as the following girl, but you stick my man in an additional little, black t-shirt having a gem and unicorns about the front, I may shank someone. Sufficient is enough. When did men start purchasing sparkly t-shirts and claiming they pose as acceptable dress attire? Not only are the majority of the “designs” on these douchebag shirts dreadful, they’re so incredibly tight, all the men wearing them better be in damn good shape. Beer guts require not apply. If you don’t have six pack abs and you do have one shred of style sense, attempt grabbing a nicely pressed Polo or dress shirt and rock the night Jay-Z style.
9. Brown Belts Do not Go with Black Footwear
This is a short and simple rule: begin matching your belts together with your footwear. That’s it. I know most men like to sport the basic brown and black slacks so, it should be obvious the way to pair them, but somewhere among the closet and ESPN you guys stare off into Never Land, and end up sporting black slacks along with a brown belt. Please, just take a minute and match the colors. I’m begging you.
8. Simmer Down, Slater
I am not certain when light, light blue jeans created a comeback, but I wish to allow it to be clear they are not flattering. Men ought to never be sporting wicked light or stonewashed jeans; it just looks awkward. Usually go with a darker wash. Not just are darkish jeans flattering to all body shapes (yes, we discover), but they are also versatile and could be worn with casual and dress shirts. (Sidenote, fellas: do not stick your jeans in the dryer right after you wash them, let them hang dry; it keeps their dark colors and match.) Color matters guys so, unless you want to appear like Zach on Saved by the Bell, go darker.
7. Gel
You aren’t on an MTV “reality” display. Should you feel the have to shellac your hair down each single day, you may need a haircut along with a hard punch towards the face. I know men get horribly put out when we smear our mascara on your pillows so, give us the same respect; we feel exactly the same about your nasty grease marks staining our pillows. If you have a lot more products inside your hair than your girlfriend or sister, have a shower and reevaluate your life.
6. Stank
All the ladies know the “cologne guy” at the bar. The one that walks by and we can’t choose if we hate or love him. His Drakkar Noir, circa 1994, reminds us of the first guy we kissed, but the scent is so strong we are still gagging ten minutes right after he’s left the region. Here’s the rule man: just simply because they market the gift box full of aftershave, cologne and bath soap does not mean you’ve to make use of them all at the same time. Take a lesson from the women and spray 1 or two squirts to the air in front of you and walk via the mist. If it’s aftershave then two dabs will do ya. Something a lot more will scare fairly women away and attract whores and gnats.
5. Dad Footwear
You understand who you are. I’m not writing about sweet, sweet old school Adidas kicks; I’m referring to the white tennis footwear that a plethora of men (mostly married fathers) sport with every single outfit they have. These wicked bright monstrosities allow it to be seem like you guys polish your shoes up only to pair them with your hemmed, light blue jean shorts. Invest in some Adidas or Converse and also you will appear a million times better. Also, stop using your bad arches as an excuse. It is not always about comfort and ease men, so if you continue to make use of comfort as an excuse to defend your bad style sense, I will arrive after you and shove your bright whites up your ass. Casual can be fashionable, guys.
4. Dress Your Age
I know getting older could be difficult for some males, but there arrives a point when it’s time to cease attempting to rock the existing trends and stick with what works for you personally. This mainly applies for that mid-life crisis guys. You understand the only cause they’re letting your greasy, over-aged, pleated pants wearing ass into the club? It is so we can all make fun of the mad dancing skills and so ladies can spot precisely where their free drinks are coming from. You guys are trying way too hard so, just slip yourself into a nice, well-fitting button-up, pair of dark jeans/dress slacks, untangle your cross in the jungle that is your chest hair and take it simple. Dressing your age will save your dignity and wallet a ton of pain in the morning.
3. Michael Jackson
I’m not certain who decided that white socks could be worn with something, so I’m going to blame Michael Jackson. He’s dead, it is okay. Gentlemen, you don’t have to match your socks for your shirt or pants, but for that love of Billie Jean please attempt to put on at least the exact same tone. If you are putting on darkish pants, wear darkish socks. I understand that males do not truly think anybody will discover, however the second you sit down, women notice and then mock. Bright white socks and black pants are reserved for the dead, let them rest in peace.
2. Taco Meat
Summertime is coming up and I understand it gets hot. The urge to unbutton your shirt lower for your hairy navel or just forgo an undershirt all together is often overwhelming, but taco meat sticking out from your greasy chest is in no way appealing. Some man hair is sexy, but you should make certain it is totally under control. It doesn’t make you a girl should you trim your guy nest once in awhile. This rule also applies towards the back again. You want to wear a white t-shirt? We much better not see clumps of black nasty oozing from the front and the back. I’m certain you all have lovely ladies or, even better, a local salon that will be happy to wax that off for you personally. It is not that painful so, guy up.
1. Skinny Jeans
My only question is how does your package even breathe in those teeny, tiny pants? Should you think women crave a man with no ass and skinny legs, you are sadly mistaken. I understand some women want their males to appear like they’re about to carry out in the Nutcracker, and maybe in some odd way that turns their crank, but most of the ladies I know choose their males to wear pants and not tights. So invest in some pants that fit and give your purple, skinny jeans to your niece.
One Comment
Where did the “writer” of this article learn English ? I use the term “writer” in the most generous and charitable way possible. This piece has no regard for basic rules of grammar, is riddled with non-sensical usage of words or lack of words that would make sense are not used.
I understand the desire to write an article in “conversation-style.” Easy on the brain to read and entertaining when done right. Yet this is another sad classic case of internet communication. Badly written with no sense of grammar, clarity of word usage, logic or spelling.
I recommend you take a class in basic English Composition/Grammar, and make a cursory glance at a dictionary once in a while to increase your vocabulary. Your communication skills would greatly benefit in clarity and intelligence.